Annual Donut Fight Kicks Off Thru The Timmies DriveThru

I'm on a diet. It's the high intake one...

It's a slobber knocker as they call it as The Hammer's famous Donut shop gets ready for the annual Donut Fighting Contest. They're no rules, except you cannot bring your own hockey sticks with you. Eh.

10AM passes as Sergeant Steve Blow gets ready to go through the drive-thru window every morning for the past 10 years as he is too lazy to get out of his patrol vehicle and go into the shop by himself. That would initiate his gun to be withdrawn and fire off a few rounds. It's all show folks as they the police force like to say.

"Double Double Double please, with extra extra cream", for the 300 pounds police officer. He reaches slightly in the drive thru window to get his coffee and one lightly glazed dount for now.... A bulging sound is heard as his seat belt expands and stretches to maximum elasticity. "Thank You Very Much", says the Police Officer. Just as about he is about to put the rented Police car into full throttle, a donut traveling 35km with cinnamon coming off it's sides hits the officer straight in his face in a spiral direction. The officer who  managed to catch it in his mouth grabs some 4 day old donuts under a bag of clothes and shoots one back thru the window hitting the assailant straight in the head knocking them out cold. "Great Shot", said the drive-thru menu taker. Call the paramedics said the officer, it's a cover up.

And things were just so peaceful moments ago...

Bob, a senior citizen grabs a donut from his box, and aims it directly towards an oncoming scooter going 5kM per hour. "Direct Hit", said Bob who is suffering from degenerate bone loss. The scooter managed to swirl but landed on it's side knocking down the 240 pound man off of the scooter. 

Miss Whiskey who had just received her welfare cheque bought a box of Timmiebits, had launched 20 in a home made like cannon. Firing off rounds at a time. Participants described her as "Rambo with Donuts".

Fresh Donuts Prepared for the Annual Donut Fight

City Counselor Sam Moonshine described the event as enriching, and to let the steam out of people. "After all, we'd rather have people shoot donuts than with real guns. This isn't Baron Street you know", said the counselor.

So who pays for all of the wasted donuts if you might wonder? Spokesperson for Timmies Tim White said that with minimum wage going up due to Kathleen Wynnn's doing, why not spend the extra money on donuts as well? It does good for the community, and all of the donations will go to The Baron Street Jail. What will the jail do with the money? Probably use it to buy drugs for inmates who then resell it back to the public. It's a win win situation said Tim White. We say you can say that again Tim!

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