Police and City Install Security Cameras in the nighbourhoods To See If COVID Curfew laws are broken.

It's something out of a Simpsons episode where local law enforcement are spying on their own citizens. Now in the city, cameras are being erected faster than a porn star getting an instant stiffy. 

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As the curfew is in place for no-one is allowed out of their homes after 8pm, Hammertime police have resorted to the unthinkable. There will be a total of 20 cameras installed on each block for every neighbourhood covering a variety of axis points with no dead spots. Extra attention on the donut shops will be observed as no-one is allowed to enter passed 8PM. This includes the drive-thru window. Anyone seen is to alert the Donut Swat Team and a donut hostile takedown should be performed. Any donuts dropped in the process will be eaten before documented.  

The new camera's A.I can tell the difference between a human putting trash out or the neighbourhood's raccoon rummaging through the trash. Hypothetically If you try to stop the racoon after 8PM during the process, the camera will alert police and you may be fined or arrested. The raccoon however will be rewarded with a doggie biscuit. 

We talked to some residents where the new cameras are being setup, and some people are quite angry this is happening in their own backyard. A man by the name of Bob hopes the cameras don't see him in his backyard in the future as he likes to sun bathe nude. He said “I'm glad it's the middle of winter. Who wants to see my sun baked ass on the police cameras.”

Donut shops will have more protection than Buckingham Palace

The head of police said the cameras can follow people only when necessary, but rarely and only if it's a hot looking girl in a purple mini skirt. Only then are the cameras set to auto pilot. If an infraction is observed, police will follow up with a knock on door visit. If no-one is home or no-one answers, police will kick down the door and help themselves to a plate of lasagne. 

The pandemic has lasted almost 1 years, but it seems like an eternity. Some experts say you'll have to watch the TV Series Highlander and have some faith as it seems like only the immortal will outlast this pandemic.

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The City's Homeless Start To Occupy During Covid

I'm loving it

 

It's the wee hours of the night. The stench in the air gets even more stinky; the homeless notice something different, there's no-one around. The businesses have all vanished. A For Rent sign hangs in the window as the moon shines on it. Not even a whisper can be heard, just a stray bone from a BBQ Rib can be seen. Maybe that bone is from the last BBQ the premiere shut down.....

Businesses now in the Hammer are officially closed. This is the second lock-down in history, with no solution in sight. The local donut shop is still open since it's officially declared an essential service from the Hammer Time Police Department. Not so much for local businesses. 

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For those Brave Hart souls who still want to defy old soviet city lock-down rules, fines can now reach 1 million dollars. That's without encore for this weeks lucky lotto 7 numbers. Remember they're no losers, just winners. Business owners can also face a jail term of 6 months with daily interrogations of what they think their best BBQ sauce is. All intel goes to the Lard Premiere of Onstario. 

The homeless now have started to take advantage of the pandemic, and are moving into premises like restaurants. The fryers turn on, ready to make French Fries. One homeless person goes into the freezer to grab a bag of fries, while another analyses the rancid oil.

Another group of homeless set up shop in a electronics store called Best Electronics. One person turns on a brand new 20K resolution television. His nose touches the screen while watching the Playboy channel. Another homeless person tells him to move back to see some skin. Another person finds a bunch of walkie-talkies. He tries talking into them with to no avail. They have no idea of how to use them.

I wonder if the ATM works

The group now fixated back on the television, try to look for some chairs and popcorn. Popcorn is in the super-market next door, so two people take a non-working walkie-talkie and head on over next door. They find a bunch of non-microwavable already prepared popcorn in plastic bags. They take it pass the checkout as if they forgot to pay, and return back to the gang of homeless in the electronics store.

Back in the store, a chair was found, pop-corn is being shared, and TV shows are being watched. The homeless have taken over. The mayor, Fred Penner is up in arms still over that casket someone brought to his house. He gives the Trudope shrug, and has nothing else to say.

How long will this go on for. Is this a s0ros creation, or is the beginning of the Twilight zone. As long as chicken wings will be in-stock, and T-Bone steaks available, the premiere will not be worried another day more.

Find out, so stay tuned.

New COVID-19 Drug Turns People into The Walking Dead.

Just temporary side effects

Do you feel like a zombie at times? Do you go out late at night in Pyjamas looking to eat some brains? Now you don't have to watch your favourite zombie movie to see it in reality.

It's true you'll see some people at all hours of the day in Hammer Town walking around dazed in confusion, smelling like yesterday's garbage, and looking for their next quick fix, but these people are as harmless as that yappy French Poodle... All bark and no bite. We can thank the Cuckoo Cuckoo House for providing these people with their happy meal injections.

With the latest COVID-19 drugs being released and tested to the public like field mice eating rat poison, some people are experiencing some unusual side effects.

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One man by the name of Bob said he started to feel stronger. His skin was turning green like the Incredible Hulk, and could no longer fit in his work shirt. He said he first noticed when young ladies were starring at him constantly. In an interview Bob said, "I thought they were looking at me for me, for a moment there, but then when I looked in the mirror, I kinda thought I could be in a Marvel movie. I felt powerful, and even after eating Christmas dinner alone with my dog, I didn't gain any weight. Only my dog did"

Is the cuckoo cuckoo house real, or just an imagination?

The new COVID-19 drug does list some side effects on its website. It includes drowsiness, sleep walking, changes in skin colour, and decaying flesh. The ingredients of the new drug include but not limited to, chicken stock, onions, garlic, worcestershire sauce, Vitamin D, and Facecookie Messenger. In a press release, Mark ZuckyBurger said he fully supports his app embedded in new technological drugs that way people will know when they get a new message.

The health minister issued a statement and told people that if they see people who look like zombies on the street not to run them down as they would be charged with murdering a zombie, I mean person. The government is very frustrated with the scarce supply of the new drug as the Prime Rib Roast of Canada has all seasons of the Walking Dead on DVD and a collector's Bluray edition in his den.

If you have seen people acting strangely, or looking at you finger lickin good, please leave a comment below quick enough to get out of the way to safety. We will report new findings as the death toll continues to raise....