New Pot Law Gives Senior Retirement Home Man Uncontrollable Dancing

Bill was just eating brownies at the Sundale Retirement Home in the hammer late last Sunday night when suddenly he felt the urge to start dancing. Other seniors in their stationary seats couldn't help but watch Bill get up and do the jiggies. Sue, who has been in the home for three decades couldn't believe her eyes. "He started just dancing like a crazy man on drugs. I couldn't even do that for a kazillion dollars", said Sue. 

Bill having the jiggies

Those brownies that Bill were eating weren't just brownies, they were Weed Brownies. Whoever made them knew what they were doing. They obviously wanted someone to have a reaction, and boy did they get one. The brownies were bought from a bakery called "The Munchies Bakery". Just two kilometers away from the home. Nobody knew what the name meant. Just something that will make you hungry for more.

Weed, which has been decriminalized in Canada ever since Justin Truturd became prime minister of Kanada believes the more people that will take drugs unwillingly, will result in people forgetting about their problems so that business in Parmesan Hill can run as usual. It's a Canadian thing. Timmies, hockey, and uncontrollable dancing at the senior center. 

Although with all of that dancing, things got worse once Bill started, he couldn't stop. It's like you're looking for the battery compartment to switch him off, but you can't find it. Just the stitches from surgery", said one of the staff members. One of the staff members ended up calling 911 in which paramedics arrived thirty minutes later. Police were also on scene as one staff sergeant sampled one of the brownies. He snuck out five as well. A gesture to his undercover doughnut days.

Police arrive to control the scene. 

No comment has been released by the Sundale Retirement Home, or the Police. Although one resident urged people to think twice before they eat something. They said you never know what will happen to you once you start. Like smoking!

UPDATE: Hammer Police caught dancing on the street. Will provide more information as it follows.

Making main street a two-way street causes havoc for the scooter community

Big Tony isn't your average guy. A man with quite an appetite. He gets up every morning to go to Timmies on his Scooter. Same double-double with a cream cheese bagel, twenty timbits, and half-dozen donuts. This has been the same diet for Tony for the last 20 years. 
Everyday is the same except for this day, city officials unanimously agreed to make main street a two-way street to increase traffic flow downtown. "How will we ever do our racing down the street with me and the other scooters? We need four lanes. I mean now will have to take-up the sidewalks and watch out for people so we don't accidentally hit them" said Tony. 

The scooters as they call themselves say they aren't hurting anyone. Even though they take up a lot of space weaving in and out of sidewalks, they say, as long as you're not a turtle on the street, you have enough time to move out of the way. Other's don't agree. Jay said he's almost been struck by a scooter, and says they don't belong on the street or on the sidewalks. "If they want to play on main street, it's too dangerous, THIS IS NOT MARIO KART. Go to a GO-KART track, or heck, use the bicycle lane, if only they could fit on it", says Jay.

Scooters to the rescue

City officials aren't really happy with "Scooters" either. They want them to have licenses since they go faster than a tricycle. The city is also looking on restrictions and penalties if Scooters go beyond 5kM/Hour. City Councilor which asked to keep his name anonymous said he has seen reports of one scooter going down the Sherman Access all being controlled by gravitational force . He said we can't have this type of behavior, this isn't a roller coaster ride. Although the city is looking at installing a water slide from the top of the escarpment for easier commute, safety is the number one priority.

City Concept of Water Slide Down Escarpment

A Light Transit Rail system is suppose to be installed within the next millennium. The city is also hoping that more scooters will use the new system instead of taking their hot pursuit to the streets. A Jamaican bob sled slide going from east to west will accompany the LRT system, along with the downward water slide from the escarpment top.

More news to follow in the coming weeks.