What's new on Cabbage Hill. A new bill being drafted to curb online speak is meant to protect Canuckistaniens.
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| Bill C Plus. You'll be forced to love it |
The Prime Rib Roast of Canuckstan is being hailed a hero like famous hockey players such as Tim Horton by his Kitchen Cabinet Henchmen Staff. The PR wants to introduce free speech laws, where from his home using his Yabluko Mac, can take out any comments he feels like at the click of a sock.
Bill C-Plus is meant to protect people for their own good. This means if you post something that is Un-Kanadian, like saying Dunkin Donuts makes better donuts than Tim Hortons, this may result in a violation of the law and could result in many consequences. One of those being, having supervised visits from social workers to your home. The social worker would pay a visit to your home, and have access to all of your messages on social media. They would be able to download every message you've sent and slap it on a USB stick before they leave. A follow up visit if anything was deemed UnKanadian would proceed.
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| Saying Dunkin Donuts is better than Canuckstan's own could result in huge fines |
Some politicians are still trying to lay out the dirty work when it comes to the second and third offense. They want the last offense to result in a total ban on that person's internet connection. This would of course have to go through major hoops in the court system as this is unconstitutional according to privacy groups. However, when you have government workers being able to moderate every post, there is no telling what they can do next.
Let's take an example. Suppose two people on Fatbook are fighting over two hockey teams. One person is very insulative and vulgar saying his hockey team is better, and the other is fighting back, but maybe not so aggressively. A C Plus government worker comes into play dressed like Bartman to settle the score. If the moderator from the government shows favouritism towards one hockey team, they could technically remove the other person's post. This just doesn't have to be about Hockey, but Beer, Socks, Carbon Tax, Climate Change. God knows what would happen if someone said something about Climate Change. I bet looking at this legislation, that person could get 5 years in prison, and a lifetime Internet ban. Not only that, but a gag order could be put into place so nobody would know what happened behind the kangaroo court system.
If websites don't comply with the C Plus government, they don't need to. Whatever is deemed inappropriate, will be taken out of the stream so it will never reach the recipient. This is something China does to its internet users. The government of Canuckstan is secretly hiring thousands of special commanders to guard what is said on Canadian internet shores. The only requirement is to know what a double double is, and how to make a toasted sesame bagel without getting it burnt. The test lasts 5 minutes.
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| You never know what happens to your messages. |
In the above diagram, anything could happen to your posts on social media. If you criticise Mr.Socko The Drama Teacher too much, the next thing you know, you'll be forced to look at his sock collection online. That's right, you didn't click it, they clicked it for you. Why even bothering voting, you'll be voting Liberal automatically every 4 years.
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