Man Charged With Using Plastic Forks and a Knife At a Hammer time Restaurant

A Hammer Time man has been charged with using a plastic fork and knife at an upscale dollar store "like" restaurant yesterday evening. 

A horrific crime scene in the making.

Police were called to Barton Hooker Street Avenue when a person witnessed in horror that someone could use disposable cutlery in broad daylight. It was Jeff Bridges who made the frantic 911 call. He said in a phone interview to us this morning that the whole incident was atrocious, and almost worse than an actual murder. The city has seen an up rise in plastic knives and forks since they were outlawed two years ago making them a priority issue for the police and by-law officers. Police are also looking for people using paper napkins.

Tim White, who was accused of using a plastic fork, brought the plastic cutlery from home police have said. When police arrived at the scene, they immediately instructed Mr. White to put down the  plastic knife and to put his hands in the air. As soon as Mr.White followed their orders, he was immediately arrested and taken into custody without incident. The could be weapon was bagged and transferred to the forensics crime lab to used as evidence at a later date in court.

The zero tolerance policy for disposable cutlery has been taken to the extreme some critics say. The city has even made even disposal soft drink cups illegal and now forces people to drink soft drinks out of wishing wells at every fast food place. Those who do not wish to do so, may bring their own stainless steel cups and utensils from their kitchen. Some fast food restaurants have stopped serving soft drinks all-together. One person holding a plastic straw was mistaken for Zoro since he was wearing all black.

Police are on the lookout for anyone who is using plastic straws and are reaching out to the public for help. To report such incidents, police have set up a special Straw hotline. Using plastic straws is a serious offence and can land a person up to 2 years in prison. Selling plastic straws is even a more serious offence which can land a person of up to 5 years in the Hammer, I mean slammer.

Tim White is scheduled to appear in court later next year. Though recently he fled by boat to the land called Tonga.

We work hard to bring up such made up stories in the Soviet Republic called Kanukistan or however you want to call it. Please look at all of the famous T-Shirts from the likes of El-Trudope.
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City Considering Banning Gas Vehicles In Favour Of Camels, Elephants, and UFO Spaceships.

The hell with cars, wide bus size scooters, or public transportation in general, make way for the animals says one city councillor.

The city hopes to ban all gas vehicles when things like light sabers and warp speed become the norm, but that also depends on when they will remaster the TV Series Star Trek Voyager on Blu Ray disc.... which could be years from now... So, how will the city ban gas vehicles? They haven't got a clue as usual, but they sure know how to spend tax payers money, like building a new Light Rail Transit across the city stench. They (the city), also want to encourage people to go green by getting them to switch to electric cars. However, prices for electricity are already high enough, making the switch discouraging.

The city has a new initiative program called "Slash The Tires", in which homeless people are paid $100 a pop to slash the tires of gas parked cars. How will the homeless know which are electric and which are gas will be up to their discretion. If an electric car gets its tired slashed, it's the owner's problem said the city. The city said they might reimburse the owner with Prego bus passes. This is still being decided.

What does this mean for working folks? You know the non-welfare recipients like truckers... Well, some are so sick and tired of the recent gas price inflation in Hammer Town that now they're thinking of taking the city's offer by renting an elephant or a camel for the day just to get around.

Some who have experience riding on elephants back home wouldn't think twice if they saw one in their current city where they live in. After all, it takes skill, bravery, and a good life insurance policy which they obviously don't have. Of course with an elephant for instance, they're no ABS breaks, and the only air bag you have is a 5,000 pound gigantic derriere in between the tail behind you.

Animals in reality don't need so much maintenance, said one meat butcher we spoke with. A camel for example, can be starved of water and still go across the desert without a hitch. Cars on the other hand, need gasoline, or any other chip fried oil you can shove down its tank to go from point A to B.

Other people in the Hammer are having a different opinion and might just switch to other means of transportation like a bike which means they can finally get some exercise, instead of using their riding lawn mower sized scooter to get around. We talked to a few people on the street to tell us a piece of their mind.

One day, getting in the car will be an Olympic challenge.

We stopped Bob while he was going for his daily Timmies run. He said, "Gas prices are so damn expensive, that I can't even afford to run my own business anymore. I can't even afford coffee in the store because I am too lazy to make it at home. If the city council expects me to ride on a camel all day long with my work gear on top, then they will need to be behind that camel to pick up what it dropped off of its hump." Bob also stated that he wasn't sure if camels could drink coffee possibly making them move faster.

Another woman we spoke with told us that she doesn't know how she will ever get on top of a camel. She said "I'm a 300 pound woman... How do they expect me to get on top of a camel? By forklift?" 

We were puzzled too. A portable forklift is too expensive to take around. Riding on a forklift also uses gas. 

Now about elephants. Those are dangerous animals. Only trained professionals should ride them. They can also demolish a crack house faster than a wrecking ball. Maybe some things do have their use in society. 

But what will be next? A total ban on gas cars? The soviet union making it's way back? Nobody knows. We only wait for the government's next orders. After all, people sure like to wait for their next command.

A new T-Shirt has been made on the T-Shirt store. This beautiful Lazy NDP inspired T-Shirt can be yours today! Head on over to Liberal Crazy T-Shirts to get yours today. Please scroll the site to find it.

They're also other amazing T-Shirts like the insanely charismatic El Trudope. His face is all over cups.... You'd swear he was the Prime Rib Roast of Kanada.. Oh wait, he is the PM! Who would have known?

New C Plus Bill Designed To Protect Canuckistaniens For Their Own Good.

What's new on Cabbage Hill. A new bill being drafted to curb online speak is meant to protect Canuckistaniens.

Bill C Plus. You'll be forced to love it

The Prime Rib Roast of Canuckstan is being hailed a hero like famous hockey players such as Tim Horton by his Kitchen Cabinet Henchmen Staff. The PR wants to introduce free speech laws, where from his home using his Yabluko Mac, can take out any comments he feels like at the click of a sock. 

Bill C-Plus is meant to protect people for their own good. This means if you post something that is Un-Kanadian, like saying Dunkin Donuts makes better donuts than Tim Hortons, this may result in a violation of the law and could result in many consequences. One of those being, having supervised visits from social workers to your home. The social worker would pay a visit to your home, and have access to all of your messages on social media. They would be able to download every message you've sent and slap it on a USB stick before they leave. A follow up visit if anything was deemed UnKanadian would proceed. 

Saying Dunkin Donuts is better than Canuckstan's own could result in huge fines

Some politicians are still trying to lay out the dirty work when it comes to the second and third offense. They want the last offense to result in a total ban on that person's internet connection. This would of course have to go through major hoops in the court system as this is unconstitutional according to privacy groups. However, when you have government workers being able to moderate every post, there is no telling what they can do next. 

Let's take an example. Suppose two people on Fatbook are fighting over two hockey teams. One person is very insulative and vulgar saying his hockey team is better, and the other is fighting back, but maybe not so aggressively. A C Plus government worker comes into play dressed like Bartman to settle the score. If the moderator from the government shows favouritism towards one hockey team, they could technically remove the other person's post. This just doesn't have to be about Hockey, but Beer, Socks, Carbon Tax, Climate Change. God knows what would happen if someone said something about Climate Change. I bet looking at this legislation, that person could get 5 years in prison, and a lifetime Internet ban. Not only that, but a gag order could be put into place so nobody would know what happened behind the kangaroo court system.

If websites don't comply with the C Plus government, they don't need to. Whatever is deemed inappropriate, will be taken out of the stream so it will never reach the recipient. This is something China does to its internet users. The government of Canuckstan is secretly hiring thousands of special commanders to guard what is said on Canadian internet shores. The only requirement is to know what a double double is, and how to make a toasted sesame bagel without getting it burnt. The test lasts 5 minutes. 

You never know what happens to your messages.

In the above diagram, anything could happen to your posts on social media. If you criticise Mr.Socko The Drama Teacher too much, the next thing you know, you'll be forced to look at his sock collection online. That's right, you didn't click it, they clicked it for you. Why even bothering voting, you'll be voting Liberal automatically every 4 years.

The above bill can be used in many ways, and unforutnely, in the wrong way. People don't need bills to dictate their lives. Only dictators do. Unforutnely, the people voted him in. The only Bill we should ever see are the ones we get in the mail every month. That's another story of it's own.

The Hammer Time Chronic asks you to look at its T-Shirts, and mugs, and stickers. we don't force you, we just ask. Please check out the links below, and enjoy the free air you have to breathe.. Next, you'll be paying for it.

Trudeau Phone Case - The Best A Clown Can Get
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The Budget Will Balance Itself Mug
Liberals Caused Me to Put Up Security Cameras Shirt
Trudeau McDrive Bottle

BTW, there is a discount code, and no, you don't have to file your taxes to get it. It's discount01. Use it at the checkout.

Man on 99th Booster shot can boost himself to the moon for charity

It's one step for people kind that is, according to the expert of the selfie mirror, the prime rib roast of Canuckstan said in a press meeting today......

Hammer Time man Mario, who regularly jumps over things to collect coins is a plumber by day, and and a sidewalk maker in the evening will be the first people kind person to jab himself to the moon. Mario said earlier in a video "I got all of these injections in me, I can feel the power, I can feel the juices going through my veins." He also stated while talking cross-eyed on Good Morning Till Tomorrow, "Not even the Rocketeer will be able to keep up with me. I'm the king of the world."

I'm going to the moon, then to mars.

Mario, who uses anti-depressant pills, is also on suicide watch after screwing up on Tony Soprano's sidewalk according to his doctor, Dr.Nick. His doctor is world renowned for botch surgeries, and prescribing sex enhancement pills to gorillas in the wild, will be monitoring the event taking place later this afternoon. Dr.Nick said in an interview, a coroner is not needed if things don't out as planned.

Community members of the Hammertime Welfare Club and socialist NDP leader Andrea Butterfinger are all scheduled to watch this amazing performance. All proceeds will go towards the Libtard action plan of how to deal with carbon copy pollution, and a new Dummies 4 Electric Car book 2nd edition will be released to the clinically insane crazy house institution. An incubator for the Libtard party of Canuckstan.

In other news, McBurger University is also looking to make history after it has developed a AA battery for scooters which can drive a 600 pound person exactly 3 feet. A milestone in the making for the poor exhausted battery. Researches are hoping their batteries can be used to power forklifts, and be used to lift food to a person's mouth.

The Hammer-Time Chronic runs by receiving donations of old Biggins magazines. Without your support, we could never run this free website. Unlike the Communist Broadcasting Channel, they're strictly funded by tax payers like yourself! Buy T-Shirts, Cups, and anything on the site today. Click on the shirt to buy. Oh, the discount code is discount01. It's so easy it's stupid...

Carnage on Parmesan Hill Leaves the Prime Rib Roast Minster Fleeing to Kuba

It's turmoil in the making. With mandates everywhere you go, to social distancing of 100 meters per person, truckers are fed up with the Liberal Government of Canuckstan, protesting their rights on Parmesan Hill.

Weeks have past since the first wave of protests started. Truckers are furious with government mandates of 100 push-ups before crossing the southern border. Those who fail the test will have to stay two weeks in quarantine only to be served Hamburger Helper on weekends.

If it's free for two weeks, why not?

The country everyday is loosing millions of dollars in Monopoly Money, and Roll Up The Rim To Win is only available online now.

A tour of the convoy shows kids playing on the streets, people dancing and enjoying free food that good Samaritans have donated. The temperatures have reached -20 degrees, and nobody shows signs of backing down. Just a few polar bears returned back North.

The government however is painting another picture. They're calling the protesters extremists and terrible names. The government says that they don't need truckers, but that they still need their food. 

We interviewed a few of the so called extremists this week, and this is what they had to say. 

A trucker by the name of Fat Tony said "We just want to return back to a normal life. We're tired of having more needles in us than Sonic the Hedgehog. Even though I love Sonic The Hedgehog, enough is enough."

Another trucker by the name of Joey said the government is pushing people too far. He said earlier today he's not moving until the convoy gets a meeting with El Trudope and his Kitchen Cabinet Staff.

The convoy has sparked controversy because it's creating a blockade preventing people from reaching their nearest Timmies Drive Thru, especially the local Lazy Boy police. Most Kanadians, and the secret KGB unit need their morning coffee, and without it, they get the shakes. The shakes is only treated with very expensive medicine and is not covered by Ontariostan medical insurance.

Look at the blockade

Police also got into the action by hitting people outside Parmesan Hill with crazy bread sticks, and spraying water cannons full of Kool-Aid. A patron decided to strip naked while the police dosed him with Kool-Aid. Members of the convoy commenting on FakeBook were visited by police handing out papers. No, they weren't free donut coupons, but stiff warnings about what you can say and do at protests. It said anyone caught doing the Macarena dance can be detained and arrested until the song is over. 

But back to the real story here, where is Trudope, or better yet, where's Waldo? Is that really him in Parmesan Hill, or is it simply a hologram of him recorded from Kuba? Nobody will know. What other names will he call protesters to get his point across? When will he be kicked out of office and continue counting his sock collection from home? Those are all very good questions. We suppose only his caucus could answer that one.

Above are beautiful collectors editions T-Shirts, Mugs, Socks of various liberals and the very own Trudope himself. You can own one yourself by clicking on the photo. 

The Hammer-Time Chronic runs by receiving donations of old Biggins magazines. Without your support, we could never run this free website. Unlike the Communist Broadcasting Channel, they're strictly funded by tax payers like yourself! Buy T-Shirts, Cups, and anything on the site today.