Annual Scooter Marathon Race Maybe Cancelled Due COVID and Poor Road Conditions.

Get outta of my way, there's a buffet coming through

It's the annual scooter whale marathon where scooters of all sizes race down at 10kmph downtown Hammer-time to see who will make it to the Burger finish line. 

However, city officials are thinking about making last minute Roll Up The Rim changes to cancel the event all in the sake of humanity and COVID-19.

Jimmy, a predominant obese person says he can't run or walk properly so he takes a scooter everywhere. He thought of an idea to join the scooter marathon with other obese and drug addicted individuals by means of a challenge. However, last year's marathon saw several large earthquake like cracks in the road that only King Kong or Godzilla could make by stomping their feet up and down.

Road Engineer John Crack said the cracks in the road are worse than potholes. He also stated if that if a scooter went over such cracks, it would send the person flying in the air. However given the weight of the person on the scooter, the person would only land a few centimetres forward making it in the Guinness Book of World Records.

With all of that extra weight on the road, it puts a strain on which it is not designed for. Only highway type roads with extra reinforcements can withstand such abuse on a daily basis.

Road damage due to scooters

Members of the scooter community are upset that scooters of their size are creating dents not even a T-Rex could make. 

The city has will decide next Tuesday whether the marathon will continue. The city will take into consideration the number of masks and oxygen tanks needed to sustain such a large and I mean large marathon needed - no pun intended. The marathon is sponsored by ALL-U-CAN-EAT-BUFFETS, and Weight Watches.

Have you taken part in the scooter marathon before? Please send photos, if physically possible to the Hammer-Time news paper.

Next in news, how the citizens of Hammer-time got vaccinated and started laughing uncontrollable. It's no laughing matter, especially when a clown is in power.....

Hammer Time police seize over 200 Water Guns - It's a bust that sure will make you wet.

An outdated photo of the water gun collection police seized.

In breaking news, the Hammer-Time police have seized over 200 fully loaded water guns on the weekend in Operation Super Soaker in the latest onset of shootings in the city.

It was a Saturday Morning when most of us are still sleeping, a loud bang could be heard from across the street. It was the Donut Swat Team preparing to make another hostile donut takedown. Their guns were drawn, tear gas ready to be launched. Police opened the garage of the estranged address and found over 200 non-lethal water guns. 

Timmy a little boy who owns the guns was crying that police were putting all of his water guns in containers all marked and labelled for evidence. All of this was happening when gun shots could be heard from local nearby gangs. The donut Swat Team ignored such noises as they knew they didn't have enough donuts with them for backup. Timmy's parents were outraged of why the donut squad would target them.

DET. Strawberry Shortcake said that he believes the sale of water guns in local stores are the result of mayhem that has been plaguing the city in recent times. 

It all started when a neighbour complained about a water gun fight the kids were having in the neighbourhood. Constipated Constable Derek Moonshine observed kids having fun from a distance while they were spraying each other with filtered city water. Under Soviet Canukstan law this would be a simple assault case, but the policer office wanted to find out how many soaked bodies would fill the lawn so a report could be made to the TV series CSI.

After a lengthy investigation, assigned to the case Detective Strawberry Shortcake said the water guns must have had the same calibre as a real hand gun. The report stated the thickness of the spout determines the result of impact. The police department believes that if we remove all water guns, the gun violence will come to a halt.

Local party leader Andrea Horseradish said at Six Flags Queens Park, water guns need to be banned, and more basketball courts need to be built. She says the public needs to be educated about water guns, and hand guns as they're the same thing. She also blasted with her farts, legally owned hunting gun owners saying they should ashamed of themselves for wanting to protect their property.

In other news, the federal government is going after laser tag. What next, the game mouse trap? Tag? Scrabble? If only Skippy knew himself how to play.