Premiere of Onstario takes over BBQ Restaurant in Hammer Town. Wants to be the next BBQ Zilla

Where is my BBQ

The Prime Rib Roast Premiere of Onstario, has his eyes set on another BBQ joint takeover. The Premiere has already taken over his first BBQ place not too long ago in Tornato.

Duggie the behemoth Premiere whale said to reporters that having a BBQ restaurant opened during COVID-19 is a risk to his waist-line. "What if all the BBQ places run out of food. Where will I eat", said the Premiere. He goes on to say, "If I can take over every BBQ joint, I can control what comes in, and what comes out... Even without Metamucil."

More and More businesses closing

The premiere also stated if he can't enjoy BBQ, nobody can. He also went on a vicious speech about being able to marinate his ribs how he wants it with Dug's special BBQ sauce inherited by his hillbilly Uncle. An escaped convict who use to run his own sticker business.

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Wearing a mask is essential inside any business, even a BBQ joint. Getting BBQ sauce on your white mask and turning it red is just half the fun the kids would enjoy. The premiere was seen without a mask this week because he said no mask could no-longer fit him. After seeing him come out of his newly taken-over BBQ joint, the premiere gained 20 pounds. He says he's trying to get his hands on the same masks they used for the HBO Chernobyl Movie.

Last month, police and members from the BBQ Vice Squad took down the owner of a famous BBQ Ribs Restaurant. No pigs were seized during the raid, and the owner was charged with running a business without inviting the Premiere to an all you can eat buffet.

In local news, the Mayor of Hammer Time Town said someone left a coffin near his residence. The mayor inspected it and said it's too small for him, and left a note on the top. So far, Public Works is debating if it can be recycled.

Police now give permission to spy on your neighbours bedroom window. All in the name of good health.

Nice racks on that BBQ

Imagine using the Hubble space scope to spy on your neighbour's window. Well, imagining won't be a dream now since police are giving the public permission to spy on their neighbour's bedroom window to see if they're too many occupants in the home at once.

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Police, and health officials say health and safety are top priority, so is voyeurism now. Health officials have repeatedly stated to stop COVID-19, you must stay at home, and watch Home Alone for the 100th time. By the 99th time, you'll be able to repeat every actor's line backwards. You'll know exactly when the iron hits Marv in the the face even when if you're not watching the screen and with the volume muted.

Meanwhile Douggie the behemoth premiere of Onstario has just ventured into the BBQ business by illegally taking over a restaurant since the new lockdown in Tornato and surrounding areas. The prime-rib roast premiere has stated he's just accumulating extra fat for hibernation this winter.

The premiere could use a diet.

Citizens have waged their concerns about an increase of Peeping Toms, and how it's going to create a new atmosphere of voyeurism. A woman told us it will be hard for her to dress in the window half naked. She said doesn't understand why people would even look at her window when there's nothing really there. Now with telescopes pointed at her bedroom, they'll be able to actually see something.  She's now thinking about opening her own online website with a members only section.Currently during this winter lockdown only 10 people can be indoors at any given time, and 25 for outdoors. Police are suppose to take complaints seriously with swift multi-million dollar fines when these rules are broken. Police are now given reference manuals from the Soviet Union on how to deal with offenders. Should they be taken to the back of the building and be shot, or be made to beg for forgiveness and mercy. Only the prime minister with slick hair and good looking socks will be able to comment on this.

Officer Fat Mustard of the Hammer-time police stated in a press conference this afternoon as long as the donut box is half full in the station, will just remember complaints in our head, and hopefully not forget about the last donut in the box. 'Look, we're not just going to barge into people's home when they're doing the hanky panky thing just to see if they're more than 10 people in the house. Will make sure our telescope pointed at the bedroom window first and record everything from outside', said officer Fat Tard. We want to get all of the raunchy details before we continue further. The officer declined to comment on why there is a duplicate copy of every recording.

Neighbours from all over are setting their telescopes at their neighbour's window just to see if they can phone police. Can they count up to 10 people, even if it's the same person going back and forth, or do the neighbours want to be the Grinch of Christmas. Everyone has their eyes on each, other. There's more eyes looking at you more than North Korea currently looking at their own citizens.

Will you enjoy your Turkey dinner alone this Christmas... Or will there will be someone watching you..... in the window....