A man in the Hammer thinks Aliens or ALF like people are behind what appears to be this COVID-19 epidemic. Jacob Wilcosly, or better know as, Mr.X-Files thinks Aliens are are spreading COVID-19 through wireless wi-fi signals and through the new 5G network. He says as soon as you connect to a WI-FI network, you're already infected. He has said that he became infected after downloading the latest X-files season via a torrent. His symptoms include pain in the derriere, shortness of breath, and a obsession with the TV series Falling Skies. The series which was filmed years ago in the Hammer and was produced by Steven Spielberg. Jacob was kicked off the set after trying to stab an Alien prop. He was not charged as his doctors say he suffers from schizophrenia after a battle with the mushrooms.
Jacob's Doctor, Dr.Nick has asked him if he has any association with any sexual niche communities. Dr.Nick said "When I asked him these questions, he just turned away and refused to acknowledge anything. We have seen this many times when someone just doesn't want to come forward with what they have been up to. You can go into the closet, but it's hard to come out."
As for Dr.Nick's thoughts on Aliens. "It's pretty much crazy to think Aliens exist. I don't care if you've watched the 30th anniversary of E.T, Aliens do not exist. With all of the drugs going around the city, I am surprised people don't think The Walking Dead is real", said Dr.Nick.
One city counselor wants to divert 1 million dollars from a new Light Rail Transit fund to study U.F.O's and anal probe effects on the buttocks.
We reached out the local police branch for their comment. This is what they had to say, "I'll believe in Aliens when donuts fly".
.... in other news Timmies is trying out a new flying donut making machine.
| Trudeau Boxing T-Shirt - BUY NOW |